The Parable of the Talents

Scripture reference: Matthew 25: 14 - 30

In the past, someone once told me, to give everything to the Lord.
That He will do great things with what I've given.

Someone once told me, to pray before every exam.
That He will guide me through my papers.
And that He will give me great results.

Someone once told me, that prayer alone does nothing.
He will not help those who do not help themselves.

So I studied, and I prayed.
Even with prayer, effort must be made.

Not too long ago, we talked about courtship.
"Why?" I thought.
"Why haven't I got a boyfriend yet?"

"Pray to God, pray that you'll meet the one."
"God knows what you want. God provides the best for you."
"He will give. You just have to wait."

In the real world, people are talking about GO, FIND a boyfriend.
Not SIT, WAIT FOR a boyfriend.

How do those advices about waiting make sense now?
What about "Even with prayer, effort must be made?"
Why was I told that I just have to wait for the Father to give me the perfect one?
What if he is in Japan, and I assumed that I just have to wait in Malaysia?
Ceh wah, relax sikit.

So I had a revelation in the shower just now.
I've asked my human friends that question about going to find my one, and the answers I get are always
He knows what's best
Don't rush things
Follow God's plans

The parable about the talents.
The man who didn't multiply the one talent Jesus gave him.
He didn't move because he thinks Jesus is just some 贪小便宜 person.

That man didn't make an effort.
That man was condemned.

WICKED!
LAZY!
Said Jesus.

There, I have the answer.

I NEED TO GO OUT AND FIND MY OWN BOYFRIEND.
While asking Jesus for the path.
Hehe.

The effort

I'm infatuated with a guy younger than me, of different race, and is perhaps either of the same height or shorter than me.

I'm infatuated and I don't know how to deal with this feeling. Should I make an effort to let this go away and develop a friendship instead?

Because I don't think I can make a romantic relationship out of this.

I'm infatuated but I don't have the strength to let it blossom.

Because I can't even make myself talk to people.

It takes a huge amount of effort.

I'm not sure if I need a partner whose a direct opposite of me to complement me for what I'm not.

Or if I need one who is my identical so that we have matching wavelengths and all will be well?

I don't know.

I've never been in a romantic relationship.

And I'm a super introvert; an introvert with super powers.

Kidding.

---UPDATE 15/12/2015 5.30PM---
I do not have any infatuation with him anymore haha.
That's after learning that he has a girlfriend.

Breaking Fast

I went out for a whole day.
From 10am to 11pm.
It was a full day spent with awesome people.

Remember the previous post where I said I don't have friends?
They are, just not the close kind.
YH, PE, LY, and I had the conversation of close friends, acquaintances and the likes.

If I straight up tell someone I know and have a somewhat distinct relationship with,
"I don't have friends."
Will that person be offended?

I will.
If I treat you as a friend (though not a close one) and you straight up in my face tell me
"I don't have friends."
I will be so angry because it means you don't treat me as one.

But that was what I did, didn't I?
I actually said that I don't have friends right in front of Joui's face.
I wonder how did she feel.
Did she feel under-appreciated?

Original Beef Cheese Burger @ Upperstar

Apple Pie @ McDonald's

Ice latte @ McCafe

Colourful drinks at the Ramadhan Bazaar. Nyum.

Chocolate bingu and Patgi bingsu @ Nunpat, Oceanus Mall

I'll try to improve my insecurity.
I mean improve it to become secure instead of insecure hahaha. ^^;

"I don't have friends."

I do, just not many.

They are friends, but not the type that gel with me, or have me in their mind for everything.
I'm not included, always the excluded.
Exclusive, maybe?

I'm sensitive to this issue, but somehow I can't bring myself to make the effort to improve it.
I leave as soon as possible.
I try to make relationships, but it never goes beyond acquaintance.
My relationships are defined on something, never on true friendship.

I only consider two friends to be my true friends.
They care, they love, they think of me.
But I realised, I never took the effort to reciprocate those feelings.

Then we go astray.
We go separate paths.
And I'm all lonely again.

Praying to God to help me on this.
I don't think I can survive all these loneliness.

The Blaming Game

I posted on Facebook, a post which I cried over afterwards, because I couldn't when I was being blamed by a group of four to five people in a party where I was the official photographer, Imagine if the photographer went missing to cry in the toilet, you'd be wondering where's the missing slot of photographs.

This game is strong.

Recently, an earthquake happened in Sabah. It's one of the first earthquakes to happen in Malaysia, or so I heard. It happened on the 5th of June 2015 with a magnitude of 6.0. That time, it was 7,15am and it was another 15 minutes to my time to actually wake up. However, the quake shook so vigorously, I woke up, shocked, thinking that my roommate in the bottom bunk had a horrible seizure. After a few seconds, the shaking stopped. I thought, hmm, I guess she has calmed down, no need to save her or anything. So I went back to sleep, for 15 minutes before my alarm rang.

It wasn't until I woke up to check on the exploding Whatsapp notifications. "Did you feel the tremor?" "I guess everyone felt it." "I didn't even know it was an earthquake." "Is everyone safe?" "Are you safe?" "Please pray for Sabah!".

It was an earthquake.

And only then I panicked.

I've watched enough shows to know that earthquake can kill. The thought that dawned upon me was

I could've died.

I'm not afraid of death, because it's just losing my physical body but living with God eternally. How great is that?

But death is still a thing. I want to achieve something (like you know, going to Japan? hehe) before rising up to heaven.

And if I died, how many people would miss me? How many people would be sad? That's another blog post to write on.

19 lives were lost in the earthquake. The locals then blamed for the indecent activities of the foreigners which caused the spirits of the mountain to be agitated and caused the earthquake.

13 June's early morning was another fateful day of another medium scale earthquake. It was 2.30am and it started shaking and shaking. It shook quite a while. I was contemplating of whether to run for safety or to sit till it subsided. I did the latter after asking my roommate.

Later that day, I was at the Prayer House when I saw the the air-freshener that stood on top of the book shelves was lying down instead of the usual standing tall. I blamed, or more like suspected the earthquake.

We continued blaming the earthquake for whatever bad that has happened. It was a hilarious take on things.

Still, blaming is a sad culture.

Sarah in Sabah

I like the title. I shall make this a tagline. See, my name and where I currently am just differ by a letter.

Malindo Air, up in the skies above the South China Sea

So far so good, I think I can get used to this, but seriously, needing to worry about things besides studying is just too stressful. Either that, or I'm just bad at being organized. You should come see the room I'm living in now. My [study] place's a mess.
I'm such a disorganized mess.
I did so many mistakes ever since I came here.



No, actually I've been committing many mistakes even before I came here.
Most of them seem to work out, maybe those which didn't work out didn't cross my mind.
Either that, all have worked out I guess, since I'm still alive and typing over here.

Transportation.
Laundry.
Food.
Studies.
I used to be a full time student and my life being sorted out by my overly-awesome parents.
Now? Aih.



This morning we just had a quiz on one of my subjects this sem. Man, I couldn't answer a single thing. I still dislike biology, mildly chemistry. I'm not fit to be a brainiac, I guess.

I miss home. I miss the toilet, my bed, my room, the fast internet speed, the washing machine, my parents, my brother, my friends, everything at home. Everything came in convenience. I had the printer with just few steps away, I had food in the fridge, I had stationeries hidden somewhere in my boxes. I had everything.
Now, it's just pure inconvenience.



However, living outside is fun. It's fun to face the rain and complaining about how my clothes won't dry and have a crowd agreeing to what I say. It's fun to worry about what to eat next morning. It's fun to make new friends from different meetings. It's fun.


Tanjung Aru beach with the JCC members
I'm now in the publicity team of the Japanese Cultural Club here. I am responsible to design the ticket in the shape of a fan. I don't think I'm gifted with the talent of arts and crafts, but I learn technical stuffs fast. Thank goodness of technology.
I can just create and create layers of errors and trials, get what I want and delete all the mistakes.
No one will know except for me... and those people who I kept sending my errors to.
Not that that concerns them.

Anyway.

There are nice people, and there are also people with attitude problem just about anywhere, any part of the world. It's not a discrimination against nationality or races, it's a person's own personality. It's good so far, people I meet are nice. My roommates are nice. They easily react to things, maybe I feel this way because I rarely have reactions. My housemates are nice too, except for 2 whom never talk to me, whom only look at me and just regard my existence. I smile but they don't smile back so, okay. Your choice.


By God's grace, really; I feel happy when I'm at rest. I feel happy that I feel worried. I feel happy that I feel stressed. I feel happy all the time, because I feel alive. I have a new family here. This church is quite different from the one I go back home, but everyone is nice. Everyone is cool. Everyone is awesome! The church is Emmanuel Church KK. The first week I went to church, I cried. I cried so much. I cried for the first time I came here. The Holy Spirit was just so overwhelming. Suddenly, I missed home.

I want to go home.


I love food. I love fried, crunchy food most. Besides having meal stalls at our cafe, they also have small snack stalls. FRIED BANANA OMG. KEROPOK LEKOR OMG. I come here become fat. Haven't tried any remarkable Sabah food yet, I supposed. Food though, any of them nice food will make me happy.
I'm a simple person. If it's tasty, I'm happy. I don't need any extravagant fancy delicacies. Like uni (sea urchin). *hints hints*

The line to wait for bus

Sabah is a nice place. My campus is a nice place, albeit hilly. Walking is difficult due to the extreme steepness here. Can cry if I need to walk every single day. There are buses, and of course, public transports in Malaysia have made quite a reputation among their citizens.

Till the next update!

Rainbow Cupcake!

Quite a success, but the icing was crazy. No step-to-step pictures, only some random shots when I felt like it.

This was done about a month ago. I used red dragonfruit for red colouring, a blue flower for blue colouring, yellow and green colouring were artifical food colouring, while purple and orange were a mixture.

Batter!

Prepare the oven!

Overflowing...

They looked good in pictures, but actually.. The red colour of the dragonfruit disappeared after the baking.. So all that was left was yellow, green and blue. So I decided to bake this rainbow cupcake once more, with artificial food colouring!

----------
 Today ^.^

It was supposed to be purple at the bottom, blue and green

Into the oven!

Glorious pretty rainbow cupcakes!

The cupcakes this time are pretty, so pretty I felt so touched! hahaha!

I used whip cream for the icing. This was the most dramatic moment actually.

While preparing, the whip cream was still liquid. Mom told me that the beating machine was spoiled so I had to whip the cream manually. About 5 minutes into it, my arm was ridiculously sore.

Me: Ma, that time you whip cream, used how long?
Mom: About 30 minutes.
Me: Oh, okay.
Mom: But it wasn't this much.

Okay, it's alright, I will not give up. C'mon, the joy when you see your hardwork come to form, isn't that great? So I continued beating.
And beating.
And beating.
Then mom went and took out the beating machine.

Mom: Oh my god, it works!
Me: Ah.
Mom: Stop beating already! Let's use this!
Me: But I want to beat...
Mom: It will take forever. Stop!

And she planted the beating machine into my cream. And switched it on. I felt so hopeless clutching onto my whisking thing. So I left it in the sink and took over the machine.

It was wonderful, at the speed it was going. The cream got fluffier and fluffier, but it was still liquid.
So I continued, lifting the bowl once in a while to see if the cream will fall.. It was going to form, as I lifted the bowl one last time when suddenly...

The cream started to curd. You know, the texture of spoiled milk? Pieces of taufu-looking things and liquid... Panic attacks as I ran to my mom for help. She looked at it, with the same hopelessness I had. But mom didn't give up, she switched on the machine on high speed and continued.
Swirled around the curds, around and around.

And it started forming!! CREAM, ICING CREAM OH CREAM!! And it tasted like heaven. Oh yes...

So I separated the cream into 3 parts; blue, red and green. Spooned it into the piping bag and off we go, piping the icing! I was more than halfway through, having fun when liquid started coming out of the piping bag.

My palm was too warm holding on the bag, and the cream melted. D: So I randomly piped the remaining icing as fast as I could, while my mom was being all naggy about how I did it so slow and that's why it happened, "quick pipe the liquid here, pipe the icing, quick!". Nervousness.

But! At least, it still looks good, haha! Will improve on the icing next time! ;)

Happy 31st, Mukai!

Dear Mukai Osamu,

To my husband which we had been married for I-forgot-how-many-years-but-it-wasn't-that-long-because-I-only-knew-you-in-2007 years, happy 31st birthday.

I know you don't remember anniversary dates, neither do I. I can only remember your birthday but I don't remember our wedding day. It's alright, everyday is a day worthy of remembrance ^.^

You've given me joy, hope and strength everyday without yourself knowing it. You can consider me as any other fan you have, but I will consider you as my husband hahaha *no I am not a scary fan*.

If you ever read this, or you may not, just to let you know, you are an awesome being, Mukai Osamu. Please continue being this way (although I don't really like the popularity you're gaining, I hope you update your blog more often with pictures like you do last time) and I will always support you!

p/s: Sorry I cheated on you (I'm sure you know) but I will love you the most. ;)

From Sarah with love, so much love.

Yesterday's Arashi ni Shiyagare...

Hate to say this but... Mukai-sama was quite boring on TV. meeeh

Anyhow! The episode of 02.02.2013 (2 February) of Arashi ni Shiyagare is on D-addicts! Head over there to download the awesomeness of having my hubby and Arashi in one show, where there is too much ikemen going on for 45 minutes.

This is your guest.

There, aniki Mukai Osamu-sama, sitting at his throne, waiting for them Arashi to guess!

I like their outfit in that episode. Nino and Jun wore the cutest suit ever, with a bow tie.

Oh-nii was thinking who the guest might be.

Everything about him spells "PERFECTION!"

Baby~

UNCLE-ppoi!

 And they called for the guest! Look at them lucky Funky Girls. I wanna link arms with Mukai-sama too...!

SWAG

Fans' reaction?

I'll be gasping if I were there.

 I cannot with these guys ^.^

Mukai x Arashi, adjhflajxljcdna

 They expect that there would be rock climbing...

There's something up there?

 Jun got the red, Aiba the dark blue, Sho the black, Nino the yellow and Ohno the light blue.

Gifts from the aniki! Chalk case, to put chalk when going for bouldering..

So they did some warming up exercises..

Mukai-sama looks exceptionally lean!

 Jun challenge yellow level, which is intermediate.

Easy goal for him!

The hubby chose the lover to challenge the hardest level (black). Revenge....? XD

This was the hardest part.

Reached!

Slipped!

Fell!

Baby, what a scene~

Sho challenges black level!

He was asked to put both his feet on that small block...

Just as we thought he did it... 

"Really can't get on it!"

He got stuck in that position..

"Rest time! Rest time!"

And here comes the hardest part again..

Reached!

Slipped!

Fell!

This time, Mukai-sama challenges black level!

If you look at me like that, like you want me so much... XD

It's the hardest part again...

Reached!

Passed!

GOAL!

Hubby x Lover high touch! 

Now let's see, why did Sho and Aiba fail...

As expected of Mukai~

Lastly they did yakiniku!

Hubby cooking for my men. Wao

I can say, this episode was an eye candy for me! Love love love Mukai x Arashi~
By the way, they didn't air the part where Mukai and Aiba were being lovey-dovey.. Whyyyyyyy