Breaking Fast

I went out for a whole day.
From 10am to 11pm.
It was a full day spent with awesome people.

Remember the previous post where I said I don't have friends?
They are, just not the close kind.
YH, PE, LY, and I had the conversation of close friends, acquaintances and the likes.

If I straight up tell someone I know and have a somewhat distinct relationship with,
"I don't have friends."
Will that person be offended?

I will.
If I treat you as a friend (though not a close one) and you straight up in my face tell me
"I don't have friends."
I will be so angry because it means you don't treat me as one.

But that was what I did, didn't I?
I actually said that I don't have friends right in front of Joui's face.
I wonder how did she feel.
Did she feel under-appreciated?

Original Beef Cheese Burger @ Upperstar

Apple Pie @ McDonald's

Ice latte @ McCafe

Colourful drinks at the Ramadhan Bazaar. Nyum.

Chocolate bingu and Patgi bingsu @ Nunpat, Oceanus Mall

I'll try to improve my insecurity.
I mean improve it to become secure instead of insecure hahaha. ^^;

The Blaming Game

I posted on Facebook, a post which I cried over afterwards, because I couldn't when I was being blamed by a group of four to five people in a party where I was the official photographer, Imagine if the photographer went missing to cry in the toilet, you'd be wondering where's the missing slot of photographs.

This game is strong.

Recently, an earthquake happened in Sabah. It's one of the first earthquakes to happen in Malaysia, or so I heard. It happened on the 5th of June 2015 with a magnitude of 6.0. That time, it was 7,15am and it was another 15 minutes to my time to actually wake up. However, the quake shook so vigorously, I woke up, shocked, thinking that my roommate in the bottom bunk had a horrible seizure. After a few seconds, the shaking stopped. I thought, hmm, I guess she has calmed down, no need to save her or anything. So I went back to sleep, for 15 minutes before my alarm rang.

It wasn't until I woke up to check on the exploding Whatsapp notifications. "Did you feel the tremor?" "I guess everyone felt it." "I didn't even know it was an earthquake." "Is everyone safe?" "Are you safe?" "Please pray for Sabah!".

It was an earthquake.

And only then I panicked.

I've watched enough shows to know that earthquake can kill. The thought that dawned upon me was

I could've died.

I'm not afraid of death, because it's just losing my physical body but living with God eternally. How great is that?

But death is still a thing. I want to achieve something (like you know, going to Japan? hehe) before rising up to heaven.

And if I died, how many people would miss me? How many people would be sad? That's another blog post to write on.

19 lives were lost in the earthquake. The locals then blamed for the indecent activities of the foreigners which caused the spirits of the mountain to be agitated and caused the earthquake.

13 June's early morning was another fateful day of another medium scale earthquake. It was 2.30am and it started shaking and shaking. It shook quite a while. I was contemplating of whether to run for safety or to sit till it subsided. I did the latter after asking my roommate.

Later that day, I was at the Prayer House when I saw the the air-freshener that stood on top of the book shelves was lying down instead of the usual standing tall. I blamed, or more like suspected the earthquake.

We continued blaming the earthquake for whatever bad that has happened. It was a hilarious take on things.

Still, blaming is a sad culture.

Sarah in Sabah

I like the title. I shall make this a tagline. See, my name and where I currently am just differ by a letter.

Malindo Air, up in the skies above the South China Sea

So far so good, I think I can get used to this, but seriously, needing to worry about things besides studying is just too stressful. Either that, or I'm just bad at being organized. You should come see the room I'm living in now. My [study] place's a mess.
I'm such a disorganized mess.
I did so many mistakes ever since I came here.



No, actually I've been committing many mistakes even before I came here.
Most of them seem to work out, maybe those which didn't work out didn't cross my mind.
Either that, all have worked out I guess, since I'm still alive and typing over here.

Transportation.
Laundry.
Food.
Studies.
I used to be a full time student and my life being sorted out by my overly-awesome parents.
Now? Aih.



This morning we just had a quiz on one of my subjects this sem. Man, I couldn't answer a single thing. I still dislike biology, mildly chemistry. I'm not fit to be a brainiac, I guess.

I miss home. I miss the toilet, my bed, my room, the fast internet speed, the washing machine, my parents, my brother, my friends, everything at home. Everything came in convenience. I had the printer with just few steps away, I had food in the fridge, I had stationeries hidden somewhere in my boxes. I had everything.
Now, it's just pure inconvenience.



However, living outside is fun. It's fun to face the rain and complaining about how my clothes won't dry and have a crowd agreeing to what I say. It's fun to worry about what to eat next morning. It's fun to make new friends from different meetings. It's fun.


Tanjung Aru beach with the JCC members
I'm now in the publicity team of the Japanese Cultural Club here. I am responsible to design the ticket in the shape of a fan. I don't think I'm gifted with the talent of arts and crafts, but I learn technical stuffs fast. Thank goodness of technology.
I can just create and create layers of errors and trials, get what I want and delete all the mistakes.
No one will know except for me... and those people who I kept sending my errors to.
Not that that concerns them.

Anyway.

There are nice people, and there are also people with attitude problem just about anywhere, any part of the world. It's not a discrimination against nationality or races, it's a person's own personality. It's good so far, people I meet are nice. My roommates are nice. They easily react to things, maybe I feel this way because I rarely have reactions. My housemates are nice too, except for 2 whom never talk to me, whom only look at me and just regard my existence. I smile but they don't smile back so, okay. Your choice.


By God's grace, really; I feel happy when I'm at rest. I feel happy that I feel worried. I feel happy that I feel stressed. I feel happy all the time, because I feel alive. I have a new family here. This church is quite different from the one I go back home, but everyone is nice. Everyone is cool. Everyone is awesome! The church is Emmanuel Church KK. The first week I went to church, I cried. I cried so much. I cried for the first time I came here. The Holy Spirit was just so overwhelming. Suddenly, I missed home.

I want to go home.


I love food. I love fried, crunchy food most. Besides having meal stalls at our cafe, they also have small snack stalls. FRIED BANANA OMG. KEROPOK LEKOR OMG. I come here become fat. Haven't tried any remarkable Sabah food yet, I supposed. Food though, any of them nice food will make me happy.
I'm a simple person. If it's tasty, I'm happy. I don't need any extravagant fancy delicacies. Like uni (sea urchin). *hints hints*

The line to wait for bus

Sabah is a nice place. My campus is a nice place, albeit hilly. Walking is difficult due to the extreme steepness here. Can cry if I need to walk every single day. There are buses, and of course, public transports in Malaysia have made quite a reputation among their citizens.

Till the next update!

Rainbow Cupcake!

Quite a success, but the icing was crazy. No step-to-step pictures, only some random shots when I felt like it.

This was done about a month ago. I used red dragonfruit for red colouring, a blue flower for blue colouring, yellow and green colouring were artifical food colouring, while purple and orange were a mixture.

Batter!

Prepare the oven!

Overflowing...

They looked good in pictures, but actually.. The red colour of the dragonfruit disappeared after the baking.. So all that was left was yellow, green and blue. So I decided to bake this rainbow cupcake once more, with artificial food colouring!

----------
 Today ^.^

It was supposed to be purple at the bottom, blue and green

Into the oven!

Glorious pretty rainbow cupcakes!

The cupcakes this time are pretty, so pretty I felt so touched! hahaha!

I used whip cream for the icing. This was the most dramatic moment actually.

While preparing, the whip cream was still liquid. Mom told me that the beating machine was spoiled so I had to whip the cream manually. About 5 minutes into it, my arm was ridiculously sore.

Me: Ma, that time you whip cream, used how long?
Mom: About 30 minutes.
Me: Oh, okay.
Mom: But it wasn't this much.

Okay, it's alright, I will not give up. C'mon, the joy when you see your hardwork come to form, isn't that great? So I continued beating.
And beating.
And beating.
Then mom went and took out the beating machine.

Mom: Oh my god, it works!
Me: Ah.
Mom: Stop beating already! Let's use this!
Me: But I want to beat...
Mom: It will take forever. Stop!

And she planted the beating machine into my cream. And switched it on. I felt so hopeless clutching onto my whisking thing. So I left it in the sink and took over the machine.

It was wonderful, at the speed it was going. The cream got fluffier and fluffier, but it was still liquid.
So I continued, lifting the bowl once in a while to see if the cream will fall.. It was going to form, as I lifted the bowl one last time when suddenly...

The cream started to curd. You know, the texture of spoiled milk? Pieces of taufu-looking things and liquid... Panic attacks as I ran to my mom for help. She looked at it, with the same hopelessness I had. But mom didn't give up, she switched on the machine on high speed and continued.
Swirled around the curds, around and around.

And it started forming!! CREAM, ICING CREAM OH CREAM!! And it tasted like heaven. Oh yes...

So I separated the cream into 3 parts; blue, red and green. Spooned it into the piping bag and off we go, piping the icing! I was more than halfway through, having fun when liquid started coming out of the piping bag.

My palm was too warm holding on the bag, and the cream melted. D: So I randomly piped the remaining icing as fast as I could, while my mom was being all naggy about how I did it so slow and that's why it happened, "quick pipe the liquid here, pipe the icing, quick!". Nervousness.

But! At least, it still looks good, haha! Will improve on the icing next time! ;)

ninja's back

I should have posted right after STPM ended, with something like "FREEDOM!!!!" along the lines...

But I've done those celebratory posts during PMR.
I've done the countdown during PMR.
I've done the to-do-list-after-this-shit during PMR (wait, after).


Somehow, growing up made me less ambitious. I wanted to be a doctor, a tailor... There's one more I wanted to be, but I just can't remember... Oh wait, piano teacher! But now, everything seems to be like an unreachable dream.

STPM ended! I totally flunk my own hardwork (it wasn't really hardwork). After PMR, seems like my fighting spirit went down. Proof that I got only 8As in SPM was a lesson, but I didn't learn. I preferred living in my short term enjoyment.

All my friends are working already, I'm the only one still at home; sitting in front of the laptop every single day, watching dramas after dramas, variety shows after variety shows. I can't find my motivation.

They say, fall in love and get a boyfriend, you'll get motivation from that.
I shall just wait for the right time.

Oh, and all those missing pictures from my blog... I have no idea why did Facebook decided to change their photo links... Sorry that you'll have to see those white boxes; ain't motivated enough fo that.

If any of you want to exchange Chinese New Year cards with me, comment your address here! haha, I'll send you one and I'll attach my address too. *hopeful* Don't worry, comments are moderated so I'll be the only one who sees it :)

Good night and good day.

Ninja escapes; Miki.

shhh :)

everything in the world became instant
rushing, hurrying
everyone is chasing time
time is chasing everything

counting the hours of sleep you can get
before laying to a regeneration
planning on how long to eat
or mashing up all in one go

fast food, fast as it is
munch munch on the way
this reminds me, i have to write an essay about these
oh well, shrugging my shoulders

suddenly everyone became so good at multitasking
everyone seems to be in control of time
but that's when stress comes in
when everything gets out of our grasp

do you stop to look at things around you?
do you realise people moving at the same pace like you?
do you reflect on what you've done for the day?
do you simply just go along to the unexciting rhythm of life?

nah, i'm not trying to tell you
"find excitement in life!"
no one can party everyday
especially me, i hate going out

but what if you slow down
start listening to the sounds around you
damn, you might realise it's noisy
shhhhh! quiet down please

:) the quiet place

i admit i have been inventing
creating unnecessary stress for myself
something like valentine's
when i didn't get a present from him :(

sometimes thinking too much is depressing
because normal beings see the bad sides of things
i often have to look back at my sweet past
to numb my current state of distress

okay, back to maths and story-writing
thank you blog, my place of letting out
i hope you, reader
find this post the least depressing

hehehe, but helpful in one way or another!

Just take it already!

Often, when planning for an outing, most of them wouldn't come to a final agreement. They either keep discussing, and discussing, and discussing, until more and more choices appear. In the end, nothing comes to an end and most of us foresee failure.

Not that I am complaining, but I ended up making a decision. Always me.
Then I got fed up with it, I decided to sabotage one meet-up, told them I wasn't free/feeling well, and tell them to decide it on their own. In the end, they just cancelled it.
"Sarah, so how's the plan?" "Sarah, so is ___ going?" "Sarah, who's gonna fetch me?" Sarah this, Sarah that. No, this is not leadership when everyone is too dependent.

I started making decisions for others. People are so gullible these days. They can't make a decision properly, and believe everything people tell them (especially Facebook rumours!). They ended up giving you the authority to make decisions for them. Sure, if they succeed, all you get is the gratitude and not their profit; if they fail, all you get is the blame and embarrassment for the rest of your life.

I don't intend of making people's life miserable, but most of the time, without making a firm stand, life cannot go on! At least mine doesn't, if the decision they are supposed to make involves me.
I have made several wrong decisions for myself this year, but I am hoping and trying hard to work everything out. *clenches fist* This is what you get when you are older, less dependent.

Christmas is near! So excited. :B

半途而廢。

把自己所開創的路途走完，別養成半途而廢的習慣。

雖然你可說：“這，不是屬於我的地方。無法走下去了。”
但是，問題就是出現在你自己身上。人生就有挫折，不要為了小小的障礙而失去了自信，失去了平衡。
但是，外面的人卻不會領悟。他們會覺得你經不起風雨，不夠堅強。

你，
有能依靠的肩膀嗎？
有能訴苦的耳朵嗎？
有能體會的靈魂嗎？

如果你
正處於人生最低潮的時刻，
人生是一塌糊塗，

那來和我談天吧。

我不是甚麼心理學家，也不是甚麼輔導員。
可是，我願意聆聽你一切抱怨。
I won't judge.

think out of the box, will you please?

I am meant to be a lone ranger, trashing my feet against the fallen dry leaves, in search of something that will never be mine. Even if the search turns out successfully, I will never own it personally, nor will it stay by my side forever.

The bird would want its freedom, the insect would want its freedom, not forgetting the plant would want its freedom. Everything has its own wants and needs, and its not you to determine it mindlessly.

People need friends, why yes, I will not disagree with that. But what if one does not have friends? What if a person like me were to survive on this planet earth? Would I be eliminated from society, the weakling of an intraspecific competition?

===

Need to start using big words already, but my vocabulary is... meh, not expanding in the way I want it to! I shall improve my way of studying.

Let's just say I am the most boring person you've ever met. I never think of alternatives; I follow by instructions and manuals blindly. You might say that I am just a law-abiding citizen in other words, but really, I am just so lazy.

I... complain a lot but I don't take practical methods to counter my badness. Just like what I am doing now! The irony.

I am the most cold-blooded person you'll meet.
Sadly, I don't write inspirational stuffs.

===

OH YES! I survived a week of exams, but the real deal's not here yet. Wait for it gaiz.

For example, 例えば.

http://youtu.be/apP--b3WdK0
I really think that you're the one
I want to show you where I'm coming from
I want to be your girl and be the one who's down for you
I'd like to get the chance to show you that
My love is true

Hello. I am still alive. But 5 days straight of intense battle starts from tomorrow and I can assure you that I haven't been studying.

First 2 days of holidays, I was at dad's hometown.  On the Sunday night I returned, had a fellowship moment with the U8 5B mates.
Next morning, fellowship moment with the U8 buddies and then a whole day spent after getting my very first Chatime and then walking around USJ6.

Pearl milk tea.

Tuesday, a whole day out shopping with Mummy for prom dress. Bought these as well.

Pocky and Arashi.

Wednesday, a whole day spent at Sash's lair celebrating Deepavali. And then had dinner with Carmen and her family.

At the playground like happy kids!

Like burnt ice-cream.

Thought Thursday would be the day when I finally stay home the whole day, but ended up going out to do manicure and pedicure.
Friday was the prom. Didn't wake up really early cuz I fell sick. Spent the whole night partying, so...

Yours truly isn't photogenic =="

A picture with our General Paper teacher. He's leaving us. Mr Kang, you'll be missed! (DEARLY).

Saturday (yesterday), spent most of my time day-dreaming, watching TV, talking on the phone with Carmen telling her interesting stories about my boring life, then watching TV again.

Today? Don't even talk about it.

I'm gonna fail this term and work harder for next year. Yesh!

Arashi will always be the best JE group evarrr! ♥
(Their latest song/single, Meikyu Love Song. The theme song for Sho-chan's drama :D)

if i say

http://youtu.be/ljRZnZgJOlQ
if i say that i love you, if i told you whats the deal
if i say that i love you, tell me how you feel
if i say that i love you, would you look at me the same

so lazy to use the shift key at the moment, please pardon all the lowercases in this post. by the way, it looks more contemporary, all these lowercases, less formality eh.

so i am confirmed a prefect now, finally [exclamation mark here please] and i am very, very emo these days. screw dopamine, screw myself for being an introvert, screw screw screwdriver pew pew pew. ```stressed

finals on the 31st october, need to study but where art thou moteevayshion.

yeah man, i just need to let things out, bottling my feelings inside me, one day i might just explode.
i've faced the verge of explosion twice already this year. took control of myself, i can.
ah, i am having that moment of emo again.

hmm, there's nothing much to talk about my life, besides having good food everyday.
as long as its edible and tastes well, it doesn't need to be however expensive, it'll be a satisfaction for me.
because food makes me happy.
and seafield's canteen has good food. i eat banana fritters and hashbrowns and ``hardkor``s everyday. best.
and tomorrow need to present biology in class. but i still don't feel like doing any thinking since yesterday morning.
and muet speaking test. the joy, the joy.

just today i complained how rare that i fangirl arashi nowadays, that i need back that life of mine.
or the life when i was crazy about anime.
i mean, my life's so dull now. is this how growing up is supposed to be

and soulmate, where are youuu...

mada owaranai.

What logic?

Lynn: Who created trigonometry?
Me: Not sure, maybe someone named Trigono?
Lynn: I think its Santa Claus.
Me: Why?
Lynn: Because its "sin tan cos".

Witty people like these just colour your life! I have real witty classmates, with witty lines of wisdom. I wish I could be as witty as them, making people's lives better to live in :')

*In biology lab*
Teacher: Is there someone named Christopher in here?
All: Nooo...
Lynn: Nope, only grasshopper.

*Guy being really intimate with his girlfriend*
DaiLou: Hey, do you need to retake your P-licence.?
Jeff: Hmm, what for?
DaiLou: You don't know how to park your hand properly.

Still on ecology study; we stood under the blazing sun, equipped with shovels and spades alike, a quadrat and extremely long nylon string, umbrella and cap. We dug, we counted, we measured, we studied plants and soils. I had my share of clay therapy today, palm feels as soft as... feather? ;p



オー、その、目が、星よりも輝いて
その、髪、がそよ風になびいて
どんなときも、君はBeautiful


イェー、褒めても僕を信じてくれない
自分の美しさが見えない
これで大丈夫？だと聞かれて、I say


君のこと見るたびに思うよ
ありのままで素晴らしい
笑うと世界が止まるほど
ありのままで素晴らしい


その口、ずっとキスしていたい
その声、正直言ってすごくsexy
どんな時も君はBeautiful


オー、一生一生一生自分らしくいて
君は完璧ありのままで　Oh!
「これでOK?」なんて聞かないで！You know I'll say!


君のこと見るたびに思うよ
ありのままで素晴らしい
笑うと世界が止まるほど
ありのままで素晴らしい


The way you are
The way you are
ありのままで素晴らしい


君のこと見るたびに思うよ
ありのままで素晴らしい
笑うと世界が止まるほど
'cause girl you're amazing
just the way you are
'cause girl you're amazing
just the way you are

Honestly speaking, these people are talented, amazing, I am so jealous!

Westlife's here today. Congrats to fans who made it, I really wanted to see them. And Jayesslee's coming, then Sungha Jung. Ahh, many opportunities missed. :((

Life's full of trials and errors.

Learn from your mistakes, cuz that's the best lesson!

Too tired, too lazy, too exhausted, too frustrated, too many-homeworks-not-done-yet. Let the pictures be the story-teller.

==============================================================

Baked mooncakes by mum herself!

Snow-skin mooncakes, in process, with help from me

Happy Mid-autumn!

==============================================================

Outing with U8 mates! Pling and I, and gigantic lollipop.

Interesting stuffs at DAISO.

Ninja on a cup. NINJA! [@ Ninja Joe]

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." -  Scott Adams

==============================================================

It kept raining during Suara Kami 2011.

.

Genius creation.

==============================================================

How I wish someone was there to watch it set with me ♥

==============================================================

My cute eyebags have been there since young. Ahh ;p

I am not stressed, I am just not sleeping enough. I'm turning nocturnal, because I'm sleepy during the days and energized during the night. However, when I face my homework, it is a negligible fact; I get sleepy no matter what.

Have been on prefect-on-probation for a while now (4 months and counting). Many of my friends resigned because it was getting really tedious; plus we were under-appreciated.

We can't blame the human nature, many are ungrateful.

Got me thinking about my ambition; what is it that I want to be?

I really want to be a scientist, but I have no obvious discovery I want to uncover.
I really want to be a pharmacist, but memorizing got me thinking twice.
I really want to a pharmaceutical scientist, but I have no idea what I want to invent a cure on and I suck in memorizing.

I want to study in Japan. I want to study in Meiji University.

And I want to sleep!