Breaking Fast

I went out for a whole day.
From 10am to 11pm.
It was a full day spent with awesome people.

Remember the previous post where I said I don't have friends?
They are, just not the close kind.
YH, PE, LY, and I had the conversation of close friends, acquaintances and the likes.

If I straight up tell someone I know and have a somewhat distinct relationship with,
"I don't have friends."
Will that person be offended?

I will.
If I treat you as a friend (though not a close one) and you straight up in my face tell me
"I don't have friends."
I will be so angry because it means you don't treat me as one.

But that was what I did, didn't I?
I actually said that I don't have friends right in front of Joui's face.
I wonder how did she feel.
Did she feel under-appreciated?

Original Beef Cheese Burger @ Upperstar

Apple Pie @ McDonald's

Ice latte @ McCafe

Colourful drinks at the Ramadhan Bazaar. Nyum.

Chocolate bingu and Patgi bingsu @ Nunpat, Oceanus Mall

I'll try to improve my insecurity.
I mean improve it to become secure instead of insecure hahaha. ^^;

"I don't have friends."

I do, just not many.

They are friends, but not the type that gel with me, or have me in their mind for everything.
I'm not included, always the excluded.
Exclusive, maybe?

I'm sensitive to this issue, but somehow I can't bring myself to make the effort to improve it.
I leave as soon as possible.
I try to make relationships, but it never goes beyond acquaintance.
My relationships are defined on something, never on true friendship.

I only consider two friends to be my true friends.
They care, they love, they think of me.
But I realised, I never took the effort to reciprocate those feelings.

Then we go astray.
We go separate paths.
And I'm all lonely again.

Praying to God to help me on this.
I don't think I can survive all these loneliness.

ninja's back

I should have posted right after STPM ended, with something like "FREEDOM!!!!" along the lines...

But I've done those celebratory posts during PMR.
I've done the countdown during PMR.
I've done the to-do-list-after-this-shit during PMR (wait, after).


Somehow, growing up made me less ambitious. I wanted to be a doctor, a tailor... There's one more I wanted to be, but I just can't remember... Oh wait, piano teacher! But now, everything seems to be like an unreachable dream.

STPM ended! I totally flunk my own hardwork (it wasn't really hardwork). After PMR, seems like my fighting spirit went down. Proof that I got only 8As in SPM was a lesson, but I didn't learn. I preferred living in my short term enjoyment.

All my friends are working already, I'm the only one still at home; sitting in front of the laptop every single day, watching dramas after dramas, variety shows after variety shows. I can't find my motivation.

They say, fall in love and get a boyfriend, you'll get motivation from that.
I shall just wait for the right time.

Oh, and all those missing pictures from my blog... I have no idea why did Facebook decided to change their photo links... Sorry that you'll have to see those white boxes; ain't motivated enough fo that.

If any of you want to exchange Chinese New Year cards with me, comment your address here! haha, I'll send you one and I'll attach my address too. *hopeful* Don't worry, comments are moderated so I'll be the only one who sees it :)

Good night and good day.

Ninja escapes; Miki.

半途而廢。

把自己所開創的路途走完，別養成半途而廢的習慣。

雖然你可說：“這，不是屬於我的地方。無法走下去了。”
但是，問題就是出現在你自己身上。人生就有挫折，不要為了小小的障礙而失去了自信，失去了平衡。
但是，外面的人卻不會領悟。他們會覺得你經不起風雨，不夠堅強。

你，
有能依靠的肩膀嗎？
有能訴苦的耳朵嗎？
有能體會的靈魂嗎？

如果你
正處於人生最低潮的時刻，
人生是一塌糊塗，

那來和我談天吧。

我不是甚麼心理學家，也不是甚麼輔導員。
可是，我願意聆聽你一切抱怨。
I won't judge.

think out of the box, will you please?

I am meant to be a lone ranger, trashing my feet against the fallen dry leaves, in search of something that will never be mine. Even if the search turns out successfully, I will never own it personally, nor will it stay by my side forever.

The bird would want its freedom, the insect would want its freedom, not forgetting the plant would want its freedom. Everything has its own wants and needs, and its not you to determine it mindlessly.

People need friends, why yes, I will not disagree with that. But what if one does not have friends? What if a person like me were to survive on this planet earth? Would I be eliminated from society, the weakling of an intraspecific competition?

===

Need to start using big words already, but my vocabulary is... meh, not expanding in the way I want it to! I shall improve my way of studying.

Let's just say I am the most boring person you've ever met. I never think of alternatives; I follow by instructions and manuals blindly. You might say that I am just a law-abiding citizen in other words, but really, I am just so lazy.

I... complain a lot but I don't take practical methods to counter my badness. Just like what I am doing now! The irony.

I am the most cold-blooded person you'll meet.
Sadly, I don't write inspirational stuffs.

===

OH YES! I survived a week of exams, but the real deal's not here yet. Wait for it gaiz.

I am crying myself to sleep tonight.

I think I try too hard;
• to be someone I am not
• to impress
• to get attention

I lost my identity. Help, I'm having an identity crisis...?

I wanna be;
• more friendly
• more socialable
• more likable

I tried to change, I thought I had made friend with my classmates, I thought it was good enough; but we need more relations, it's essential. At least, to me, it is. It sucks being alone, seeing everyone around me being mutual, and I, alone.

Help me, Father Lord. Please help me.

Exam results [part 2]

Sorry I didn't update yesterday..
Had tuition.

Papers I got back:

Geografi: (before bonus)75, (after bonus)78

English: 80

Malay: 69

TTFN.

Kung Fu Hip Hop

Yeap, just watched finish the show..
About few minutes ago..
Heh heh..
Decided to share about my feeling for this show.

COOL!

Okay, bye now!

Its late already!

xP

Here are some pictures^^